LeBron vs. Kobe

This is gonna be a short one, because I'm not that happy about that ending to the game. He's really, really, ridiculously good at basketball, but the Magic did what the Pistons and Hawks couldn't do: Play like they had seen a basketball before for longer than a 3 minute stretch. The Cavs are human (which was obvious except for the LeBron the Decepticon, which I assume is a robot) and Orlando stole a game from the sacred Quicken Loans Arena (awful name). However, this isn't a sports blog, even though I will be comparing LeBron and Kobe like everybody else everywhere. This comparison will have almost nothing to do about basketball, so fasten your seatbelts, because it's the law.

1) Championship Rings - Kobe 3, LeBron, 0...Nothing to say here.

2) Kobe had 81 points in a game. LeBron hogs the ball as much as he can and still hasn't done that.

3) Kobe drafted lower than LeBron...that could go either way...

4) LeBron screams at his mother, probably every day. Newsflash, she brought you into this world, and she can take you right out. However, I laughed my ass off about that.

5) King James, meh. BLACK MAMBA. THIS KOBE GUY IS AFRICAN AND LONG...and venomous

6) Highschools in PA and OH. They both lose points here.

7) Kobe made music, LeBron made that Kid N Play commercial. Those lost points from #7 get made up here.

8) Kobe made game winning shots all day. LeBron made his first game-winning shot against the Golden State Warriors this year. That's my favorite team. SO FUCK YOU.

9) I consider LeBron to be like the really tall 11 year old with facial hair that was playing against the prepubescent Pokemon card collecting, snot-nosed brats that were 4-10 inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter. You're just a basketball bully in that case. Kobe on the other hand, is a skilled individual that blends in well, except for his skill (read: skee-eel).

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPARISON...

10) White girls from Colorado railed out: Kobe 1 (or more!!!), LeBron (probably 0).

And therefore, Kobe Bryant is super fresh and his swag is so official.

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Oh, and if you have any other good comparisons going either way, post them in the comments section of this post or in that box to the right. -->