And they say TV turns your brain into mush...

Cuntiness in the front, dykey in the back.

Bitch, my brain is on overdrive when I got the TV running. Thoughts pop into my head from all directions, kind of like penises into Paris Hilton's vagina (which will be referenced later in this post), or maybe like pins into a pincushion, for you people who have normal/nonperverted/nonchildish/evolved minds. It's not like I get my A Tale of Two Cities on, it's just a thought, maybe a wisecrack of some sort, and before, I've let them make their short appearance and then pass. Not this time. There were too many gems.

This all took place while I was flipping between ESPN and MTV. The national soccer team was playing Honduras on ESPN, an episode of True Life was on MTV, and I was eating Chinese food (roast pork fried rice to be exact, which I will be getting again before I leave this place and head back to school).

In no particular order:

• MTV is awful in the worst way. I would rather rub Paris Hilton's vagina (see, I used it) in my eyeball than watch 85% of their programming.
• If Twitterotica (Twitter + literotica) doesn't exist, it should - so that I can have something else to not give a rat's swollen left nut about.
• 99% of True Life episodes are trash.
• Bitch, your boobs are too big because you're 55 pounds overweight, not because you were born unlucky. You dumb bitch.
• The Nationals won. I guess they're only 99,999 games under .500 now.
• You have to be FUCKING kidding me. This enormous monstrosity of a yeti just said her large boobs (and please, stop calling them that, especially when you're talking to your moms [and isn't that an awkward conversation]) were turning guys off. What about your bad hairdo, your fat face, your triple chin, your arm flab, your gunt, your flat but still large and cottage cheesy ass, your thighs that make tree trunks jealous, your cankles, your fat feet which I assume you have, your bad clothes, your bad attitude, and your impudence.
• Apparently there's no delay of game in soccer. Why don't you take a knife, pop the ball, piss in it, and then put it back down. That would actually be quicker.
• 99% of American soccer fans are 'fans' because liking soccer means they're 'cultured.' Go lick culture's nutsack if you love it so much. (Licking the underside of a nutsack, to me, is a better display of affection than anything you could ever do, ever.)
• "A Milli" sucks.
• Fenway Park is the most poorly built thing I have ever seen or even heard about. The Ford Pinto laughs at the construction of Fenway Park.
• If you don't hate the Red Sox, that's something we don't have in common.
• If you don't want to mass murder the Red Sox fans that have no ties to Boston, or even Massachusetts, or even the East Coast north of Ellicott City, Maryland, and never watched baseball before they won the World Series, leap in front of a bullet train.
• 99% of soccer players would probably bleed out and die an agonizingly painful death if somebody ACTUALLY FOULED THEM. YOU AREN'T HURT, GET THE FUCK UP, YOU PUSSY. YOU MAKE YOU ENTIRE COUNTRY LOOK LIKE MISERABLE CUNTS WHEN YOU CRY FROM BEING HURT, BUT NOT THE FOR REAL HURT. THE FOR FAKE HURT.
• MTV should have a reverse parental control, since that whole channel is not suitable for anybody under 21.
• When a bacterium multiplies, a soccer player falls down in the penalty box. A fly burping would be grounds for a penalty kick.
• The only person who hears as much inane SHIT as a soccer ref is Jon of Jon & Kate Plus 8. It should be Jon & Kate's Cunty Hairdo Plus 8. The hair doesn't look good, and I assume the rug matches the drapes.
• Listen to this for as long as you can. If you don't slit your wrists after 5.72 seconds, you're a better person than I am.