This Isn't Super Bowl XLIV...

...so why the fuck did you just clothesline a girl?
1) It's not professional football, 2) it's flag football, 3) it's co-rec (AKA guys and dolls).
Douche.

Uncalled for. Well, since they don't play in raggedy ass mesh jerseys, and instead play for their NATIONAL TEAMS, I guess it's OK.

People like this deserve a swift kick in the nuts.

Sure, you can go back to your hall and say, "FUCK YEAH! WE REALLY BEAT THEIR ASSES!" But what did you accomplish? Tell me. I'll try to throw out some suggestions of what you might think you're doing for yourself. Then I'll show you why you're gay.

1. You love to win and hate to lose. You won. Now you have every reason to chest bump, right? WRONG. You have nothing to prove here. So you're better than a bunch of kids who have their textbooks waiting for them as soon as the game's over. So what. Would you high-five your friends if you tag team wrestled Gary Coleman and a kindergartener and won? I hope not, and if so, you belong on the floor of an Indian train (that's not a sex act, I think).

2. You guys know you're the best. I know I'm the best at having stinky socks, but I'm not proud of that, because what do you get from being the best at something as unimportant as intramural sports? If you were THE BEST, your name would be DJ Khaled. If you were the best at what you did, you would be on the varsity team, or the club team at least. Go drink douche juice out of a silly straw.

3. I'm just a competitive dude/chick. OK. Then just play as hard as possible without sprinting out the door when the ref doesn't call some ticky-tack foul (this actually happened). Competitive means you play as hard as possible all the time. You're just a whining pussy when you argue over calls. Competitive is something that depends on you. Whining is when you try to get other people to do what you want, and I just can't respect that. Indirectly, that's why I hate watching soccer - they're trying to get calls from the ref. Why don't you just run faster than that guy instead of tripping for no reason. EAT ME. (You'd be surprised at how angry I get when I type shit sometimes and I just start hitting the keys like a woman who ain't puttin' out tonight.)

All in all, don't pop champagne when you win a game during the season, especially since every single team makes the playoffs. You may pop it if there's at least one bottle per person and you're all gonna do Andre-bongs. That's fine. Just don't look for a cameraman and newsanchor following you asking how it feels to finally get over that hump.