An Hero

The greatest thing since sliced bread, which I'm pretty sure he invented.

Here's a quiz for you. You're in an airplane when a militant goose decides to sacrifice himself in the name of Allah and throw himself at your engine with the aim of murdering everyone inside. Do you:

A) Drink every ounce of alcohol on the plane and begin to commit misogynistic acts.
B) Listen to MC ThugznJugz's hit single "Dunkin Deeeznuts" to remind yourself it could be worse.
C) QQ
D) Land the plane on the water because landing it on an airstrip is too easy.

The answer is, of course, B.

This pilot's name is Chesley Sullenberger. That name would be terrible if it didn't belong to this titan of a man. He is a combination of Jesus, Han Solo, Bruce Lee, Charles Lindberg, and Michelle Obama. His dick Super Size, your dick two fries. Not only did he land a 747 in the Hudson River (which is the impossible choice D), nobody died and he got off the plane about half an hour after everyone else because he wanted to see the end of the in-flight movie ("Friday After Next", starring Ice Cube). He also landed in freezing cold water, which I assume was to spite the passengers for praying to their respective gods instead of praying to him while he was saving their asses.

Chesley will be featured in the upcoming video game Gears of War 7. He will be playing the role of planet Earth.