ShamWOW / Slap Chop

You know that Germans always make good stuff!

Vince is the guy weak douchebag right up there that would tell somebody he'd kick their fuckin' ass in a club, but then he would take off his Mets jacket and be the 5'10", 148 pound piece of shit that he is, with his pussy ass 1998 spiky hair and his Jim Carrey from either The Mask or Ace Ventura mixed with a velociraptor lookin' face. I'm going to call your fauxhawk a fo'hawk, because your little hairdo is fo' assholes. Get the hell out of here with that bullshit.

And then his demeanor. His demeanor should be a misdemeanor. Damn, I am on my A-game tonight. I am just slaying tonight. I'll be here all week. Anyway, he got an accent like if Arthur Fonzarelli and the dude whose daughter was having a wedding in The Godfather had a child together out of wedlock, and then abandoned it in the asshole of New Jersey (that's like saying an armpit could have an asshole), only to be raised by the worst of the worst New Jerseyians, who teach him their ways of speaking, which obviously are flat out wrong.

Other than that, I love this man. He cares about the ShamWOW like Rosie O'Donnell cares about munching carpet. A LOT. He's just a misguided dude with some terrible accent, but his energy makes up for it and then some. Vince could start demonstrating how to use a new machine that chews food for you, and he could probably do such a good job of showing me how easy it is that I would pay $39.99 + S&H.

Just watch as he powers through this commercial. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work and all I got was a piece of history and the joy of watching this man do his stuff. Best case scenario, the ShamWOWs get sent with an autographed picture of him crankin' dat Roy (the second video). By the way, how does that look for a touchdown dance, because I think it's pretty damn tight.

If you have a ShamWOW, send a picture of you using it to mcmadden94@gmail.com, and I may do terrible, terrible things to myself while I'm looking at it.

ShamWOW Infocommercial:

Crank Dat Roy (hot shit):

P.S. I just realized - nothing bad has ever happened in Germany. I might have to live there. Prove me wrong.
And Slap Chop is here: more of the same old Vince. Might be worth a watch, might not be.