The WORST word of 2009

(from left to right: stereotypical blonde bitch, stereotypical blonde bitch, out of place bitch that nobody cares about, and another blonde bitch)

Before I start, you should probably know that I hate girls that think their shit smells like the area around the Cinnabon stand in your local mall. You'll probably learn everything else you need to know as you read through this post.

Let's move on.

So it's like 7:45 and, shockingly, I have nothing to watch on TV. I'm flipping through the channels and I see that Rock of Love Bus is on, so I decide to watch the episode that I've seen already more than once. The episode goes along, nothing special, same shit, fightin', drinkin', and altogether cuntin' it up like they always do about this time. So they're at elimination and there's a lot of girls from the pink bus (there's that and the blue bus; most of the blonde trash is on the pink bus) and this one dirty slut Gia's confessional thing comes on and she says something that made me cringe. I'll try to quote it as best I can.

"...and I see all my girls from the pink bus go on to the next round and I say 'No, you can't send my girls home, you can't break up the Blondetourage.'..."

As soon as that last word came out of her mouth, I did this:

and then I did that again, and again, and again.

Blondetourage? Seriously?!? As clever as it is (and I will admit, it's very clever), it's still the worst thing ever, because it just means that any girl that decides to bleach her hair can automatically join, and as soon as her roots spring right back out of her scalp, she's out again. That's garbage. But there's no way the girl who had another girl take a shot out of her vagina (yes, that REALLY happened) could think that up. So I go to the trusty Google and search for "blondetourage." First result was: Blondetourage.com - Celebrate the Blonde in All of Us!

I went. The last time I went to a website and regretted it this much, (WARNING: SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU'RE EASILY UPSET) I opened a video of a man with both hands fully in a girl's asshole with tons of anal lube. The man was moving his hands around in a motion that people do when washing their hands or trying to warm their hands up in front of the fireplace, or a steel trash can with fire coming out of it. Also, he might have been clapping while inside. Make sure you turn the sound on too. It's like birds chirping during a dawn in late April.

Go ahead and check out Blondetourage.com if you want, and even search for "Texas Hand Washer (the grosser one), I'm not even going to tell you what's there. There's more ads and videos and Flash and images and shit than a Russian porn site on Blondetourage, so don't be surprised if you do decide to visit it.

I looked through the website again, and I want to puke, because they have Blondegerie. Yeah. Refer to the second picture. That's it - I'm pissed off now.

Bout ta get her azz beat

This blog has more shit going on in it than Paris Hilton's vagina at a teenager's rainbow party fueled by cheap vodka and ecstasy. But for this one post at least, we're going to get to the original point, which was opening the curtains that hype creates, and showing what I think is really going on, which just ends up really being the truth.

This bitch here.

She goes by the name of Megan on all 1048 reality shows that she's been a part of. They all end up, of course, with her looking like an attention-starved whore who's poised for success doomed for a life of uselessness. It's ok though, because somehow, someday, some one dude will learn to love her fuck her dry and never speak to or listen to her outside of the bedroom. I just learned how to strikethrough words for comedic (or maybe comic, or comical??? Help me here...) effect. Soon she'll get even more ugly than she is now (look at that face) and so the dude will get the fuck out while he still can, hopefully without letting this useless trash whore get any of that sweet sweet money.

Maybe her trollop ways are fake. Or maybe not at all.

All she did in her latest load of shit, Rock of Love Girls: Charm School with Sharon Osbourne, was manipulate obviously fragile girls to do things that she wanted. Being able to manipulate is one thing; being able to manipulate girls that you think might have been touched as children is like convincing Lisa Lampanelli to fuck Lexington Steele. It's really not that hard. Anyway, she made it kind of far, and then Sharon said (verbatim), "Fuck this bitch, I'm getting way hella tired of her shit, she needs to git ta steppin'." I was thrilled. Then she comes back on the final episode and tries to fuck up Brandi M's shit. Didn't work, you bitch. So then she comes on the reunion show either drunk or stupid. Well, stupider. She runs her mouth and Sharon gets tired of this unattractive cum dumpster and Sharon throws down.

Here's how she acts before my girl Sharon Osbourne shows her what happens when you fuck with somebody who isn't on a reality show (at that moment) trying to pretend like they're not a huge pornobitch. I give this video a 10 out of 10, and also my vote for Best Picture.



The aftermath is here and here.

How do YOU feel about this tramp? Feel free to comment on either side of the situation.

Bitches

This is gonna be short. Who needs a skinny bitch? And to a lesser extent, who needs a bitch with a pretty face? (NB: The word "bitch" will be used ad nauseam.) We will talk about the two separately, and also tie them together.

Skinny Bitch

Apparently there's a theory that says thinner women (maybe with nice hips and a few other curves) are desired by most men because they were healthier and more likely to produce a healthy baby, and that's what prehistoric males were looking for. Fine. We also were monkeys and probably played with our own shit. We ate raw meat. We used papyrus. We listened to Grandmaster Flash. Things change for the better. So why don't we realize that the adage, "more cushion for the pushin'" is the realest saying known to man? Who wants to fuck a bitch you could break if you lay the pipe too well? Forget that, gimme a girl with hella curves, some low self-esteem, and a throat that makes it feel like I'm in her pussy, when she's suckin' my dick. If I gotta fold back a few rolls and some extra stretch mark-laden skin, it is what it is. A tight vagina is tight no matter whether it's on Kourtney Kardashian, or her Amazon cunt-lookin sister Khloe or whatever, or even on a flashlight-shaped device. I don't fuck in the ass, and a mouth's a mouth as long as there's no festering wounds in the vicinity and there's no braces (aka cheese graters for what they'll do if you aren't careful). Plus girls with braces are under 18, which I don't condone.*

Pretty Bitch

Why you don't need to fuck them: Beauty doesn't have a vagina.

Why you don't need to treat them better than anybody else: Because they're too stuck up to care.

I'll spend no more time talking about them.

If you are a conceited, "pretty" bitch, you can die twice and I won't give half a wet fuck.

*You thought I would make an exception, didn't you? You sick twisted perverted ass Chris Hansen on Dateline NBC bamma.