Bitches

This is gonna be short. Who needs a skinny bitch? And to a lesser extent, who needs a bitch with a pretty face? (NB: The word "bitch" will be used ad nauseam.) We will talk about the two separately, and also tie them together.

Skinny Bitch

Apparently there's a theory that says thinner women (maybe with nice hips and a few other curves) are desired by most men because they were healthier and more likely to produce a healthy baby, and that's what prehistoric males were looking for. Fine. We also were monkeys and probably played with our own shit. We ate raw meat. We used papyrus. We listened to Grandmaster Flash. Things change for the better. So why don't we realize that the adage, "more cushion for the pushin'" is the realest saying known to man? Who wants to fuck a bitch you could break if you lay the pipe too well? Forget that, gimme a girl with hella curves, some low self-esteem, and a throat that makes it feel like I'm in her pussy, when she's suckin' my dick. If I gotta fold back a few rolls and some extra stretch mark-laden skin, it is what it is. A tight vagina is tight no matter whether it's on Kourtney Kardashian, or her Amazon cunt-lookin sister Khloe or whatever, or even on a flashlight-shaped device. I don't fuck in the ass, and a mouth's a mouth as long as there's no festering wounds in the vicinity and there's no braces (aka cheese graters for what they'll do if you aren't careful). Plus girls with braces are under 18, which I don't condone.*

Pretty Bitch

Why you don't need to fuck them: Beauty doesn't have a vagina.

Why you don't need to treat them better than anybody else: Because they're too stuck up to care.

I'll spend no more time talking about them.

If you are a conceited, "pretty" bitch, you can die twice and I won't give half a wet fuck.

*You thought I would make an exception, didn't you? You sick twisted perverted ass Chris Hansen on Dateline NBC bamma.