ShamWOW / Slap Chop

You know that Germans always make good stuff!

Vince is the guy weak douchebag right up there that would tell somebody he'd kick their fuckin' ass in a club, but then he would take off his Mets jacket and be the 5'10", 148 pound piece of shit that he is, with his pussy ass 1998 spiky hair and his Jim Carrey from either The Mask or Ace Ventura mixed with a velociraptor lookin' face. I'm going to call your fauxhawk a fo'hawk, because your little hairdo is fo' assholes. Get the hell out of here with that bullshit.

And then his demeanor. His demeanor should be a misdemeanor. Damn, I am on my A-game tonight. I am just slaying tonight. I'll be here all week. Anyway, he got an accent like if Arthur Fonzarelli and the dude whose daughter was having a wedding in The Godfather had a child together out of wedlock, and then abandoned it in the asshole of New Jersey (that's like saying an armpit could have an asshole), only to be raised by the worst of the worst New Jerseyians, who teach him their ways of speaking, which obviously are flat out wrong.

Other than that, I love this man. He cares about the ShamWOW like Rosie O'Donnell cares about munching carpet. A LOT. He's just a misguided dude with some terrible accent, but his energy makes up for it and then some. Vince could start demonstrating how to use a new machine that chews food for you, and he could probably do such a good job of showing me how easy it is that I would pay $39.99 + S&H.

Just watch as he powers through this commercial. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work and all I got was a piece of history and the joy of watching this man do his stuff. Best case scenario, the ShamWOWs get sent with an autographed picture of him crankin' dat Roy (the second video). By the way, how does that look for a touchdown dance, because I think it's pretty damn tight.

If you have a ShamWOW, send a picture of you using it to mcmadden94@gmail.com, and I may do terrible, terrible things to myself while I'm looking at it.

ShamWOW Infocommercial:

Crank Dat Roy (hot shit):

P.S. I just realized - nothing bad has ever happened in Germany. I might have to live there. Prove me wrong.
And Slap Chop is here: more of the same old Vince. Might be worth a watch, might not be.

This bitch needs to get off of my TV. Seriously get a new fucking expression.


I'll tolerate this continuing because I'd definitely fuck her. For 3 reasons:

1) She's on TV
2) She clearing has the Jungle Fever as exhibited by her drooling over some old black dude that no one's ever heard of in a halloween costume
3) She's white



Seriously, this commercial makes me too angry for words.

Bout ta get her azz beat

This blog has more shit going on in it than Paris Hilton's vagina at a teenager's rainbow party fueled by cheap vodka and ecstasy. But for this one post at least, we're going to get to the original point, which was opening the curtains that hype creates, and showing what I think is really going on, which just ends up really being the truth.

This bitch here.

She goes by the name of Megan on all 1048 reality shows that she's been a part of. They all end up, of course, with her looking like an attention-starved whore who's poised for success doomed for a life of uselessness. It's ok though, because somehow, someday, some one dude will learn to love her fuck her dry and never speak to or listen to her outside of the bedroom. I just learned how to strikethrough words for comedic (or maybe comic, or comical??? Help me here...) effect. Soon she'll get even more ugly than she is now (look at that face) and so the dude will get the fuck out while he still can, hopefully without letting this useless trash whore get any of that sweet sweet money.

Maybe her trollop ways are fake. Or maybe not at all.

All she did in her latest load of shit, Rock of Love Girls: Charm School with Sharon Osbourne, was manipulate obviously fragile girls to do things that she wanted. Being able to manipulate is one thing; being able to manipulate girls that you think might have been touched as children is like convincing Lisa Lampanelli to fuck Lexington Steele. It's really not that hard. Anyway, she made it kind of far, and then Sharon said (verbatim), "Fuck this bitch, I'm getting way hella tired of her shit, she needs to git ta steppin'." I was thrilled. Then she comes back on the final episode and tries to fuck up Brandi M's shit. Didn't work, you bitch. So then she comes on the reunion show either drunk or stupid. Well, stupider. She runs her mouth and Sharon gets tired of this unattractive cum dumpster and Sharon throws down.

Here's how she acts before my girl Sharon Osbourne shows her what happens when you fuck with somebody who isn't on a reality show (at that moment) trying to pretend like they're not a huge pornobitch. I give this video a 10 out of 10, and also my vote for Best Picture.



The aftermath is here and here.

How do YOU feel about this tramp? Feel free to comment on either side of the situation.

My History Teacher Touched Me!!!

Me and my ho were walking around the mall a few days ago. The bitch wanted me to buy her one of those new Mac's because her Dell was more than two years old and running out of space. I asked her why I couldn't just buy her another PC and she gave me some bullshit schtick[sic [sic]] about how Windows Vista breaks down and can't do artistic things. Why an asian biology major who can't perform a decent blowjob cares about "artistic things" is beyond me. I then suggested I get her a computer with Windows XP and more capacity. She then cried and told me Zhingyi Zhang's boyfriend got her a new mac and iphone and made a big scene in the mall. People started laughing. I got pissed. I handed her a 24 pack box of condoms and told her to start working 495 if she wanted that artistic mac so badly. Toll booth operators need sex too.

After that the ho slapped me and left. It kind of turned me on. It also made me hungry. I went to the food court and ordered some Fish and Chips from a Surf and Turf grill. As I was deciding what drink to get, I overheard two girls in line talking about how they hated their history teacher. They started going on about ways to get him fired. One girl then said how her father was a lawyer and maybe they could sue this poor douche bag. The other girl then said instead that they could report to the cops that he touched them when explaining the Florida Peninsula (ba dum dum... It's shaped like a penis for all of you who substitute your actual high school classes by listening to Nas and Young Jeezy). They decided to do it. I missed out on the last few bits of the conversation though since I decided to go with Fanta.

It got me wondering. What's to say we can't just go up to a high school teacher and say he touched me? Thanks to this new liberal belief of pointing fingers, many youngsters no longer have any pride. I mean what kind of self-respecting 13 year old would volunteer to act as a gay boy hungry for older dick on AIM just to win Chris Hansen's approval (why does the kid have to even be a real 13 year old and not an actual cop)? I'm pretty sure his father is really supportive of how his son's part-time job is helping to put his old ass through night school. I just think we all need to buckle down and stop with the fagatronics. I'm not sure where I'm going with this since I'm too pissed at my bitch right now. I also desperately need head. Any takers? It's what Young Jeezy would tell you to do.



"Plus I done it with your [Chinese] wife, she said I made her night, but I didn't hit her back cuz her mouth wasn't right"

It's almost 2009, so let's go back to 2006

This was my old blog. If you have any questions, the answer is "Because I was an 18 year old nerdass." That's it. enjoy or not, comment or not, either way, I thought it was funny, in a really embarrassing and unfunny way.

http://wouldyoutapthat.blogspot.com (the name was pretty good)

You Probably Already Know, But...

...I LOVE DOMINO'S PIZZA. A lot. Plenty of posts on this blog speak on my love for their foods, with their subs holding a place in my heart (especially the Chicken Bacon Ranch). I've ordered Domino's a billion times because at school, that's the easiest, cheapest option for me. But I have never before done the Domino's Pizza Tracker.


If you've used this before, I assume you know how amazing this is. Now I don't have to sit in my room watching Steve Wilkos wondering whether they've even started making my food. I can now say, "Don't worry, self, it's on its way." What more can I say, other than if I finish this order and die in the process, I will die a very, very happy man.

Biggest Asshole of 2008

Let's skip the ghetto semantics and deal with a very important issue: "spreading the wealth." I'm not talking about what might be covered on CNN or inside some political[sic] asshole's dorm room. No, I am referring to the virtual slavery currently found at Cent Sports, internet's answer to pussies who like to bet, but are afraid of putting up their mortgage. The site has an option, in which registered members can invite friends to sign up. These registered members would then receive 5% of their friends' earnings, relegating these friends to the rank of crony. You get them to sign up, they give you something in return. That's fine.

However, Cent Sports also has an option, where independently-registered users can sign up to be another member's crony. Kind of like black people in the 1500s, before Booker T. Washington said "Let my homies go!" The site also has very unclear guidelines hidden in their FAQ's section. If you have not guessed it yet, I was a victim of carelessly agreeing to be somebody's crony. This somebody (in his arrogant state) even threatened to sneak into my home at night and stick his finger through my jammies' peehole; he would then proceed to give me a blowjob while I lay in deep slumber. After many ignored emails sent to both the Cent Sports team and this asshole (pictured above), I have decided to legally pursue my emancipation. In any case, the guy's an ass and certainly my pick for Biggest Asshole of 2008.

Runners Up: Girl(s) who charge 300rmb per hour. Outrageous!