Gutta Bitch

I said this blog would be almost completely about things that people shouldn't treat as wonderful. This is an exception. This is something that everybody needs. Every guy and lesbian, I mean. Everybody needs a gutta bitch. And thanks to Trai'd (pronounced "tray-dee" I think, might be like "trade" because the CD is called Trai'dmark), we have a song dedicated to the good type of women. I said some vile things about women in the previous post, but I really like women, and they're people, contrary to what you might think I believe. So without further ado...

Trai'd - Gutta Bitch

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZquFmkVCAQ8

What did you think? Questions? Comments? Put them in the comment section and the Neighborhood Bully will get right to answering them. Especially anonymous dude who took a shit on my hip-hop argument, comment on this song.

Bitches

This is gonna be short. Who needs a skinny bitch? And to a lesser extent, who needs a bitch with a pretty face? (NB: The word "bitch" will be used ad nauseam.) We will talk about the two separately, and also tie them together.

Skinny Bitch

Apparently there's a theory that says thinner women (maybe with nice hips and a few other curves) are desired by most men because they were healthier and more likely to produce a healthy baby, and that's what prehistoric males were looking for. Fine. We also were monkeys and probably played with our own shit. We ate raw meat. We used papyrus. We listened to Grandmaster Flash. Things change for the better. So why don't we realize that the adage, "more cushion for the pushin'" is the realest saying known to man? Who wants to fuck a bitch you could break if you lay the pipe too well? Forget that, gimme a girl with hella curves, some low self-esteem, and a throat that makes it feel like I'm in her pussy, when she's suckin' my dick. If I gotta fold back a few rolls and some extra stretch mark-laden skin, it is what it is. A tight vagina is tight no matter whether it's on Kourtney Kardashian, or her Amazon cunt-lookin sister Khloe or whatever, or even on a flashlight-shaped device. I don't fuck in the ass, and a mouth's a mouth as long as there's no festering wounds in the vicinity and there's no braces (aka cheese graters for what they'll do if you aren't careful). Plus girls with braces are under 18, which I don't condone.*

Pretty Bitch

Why you don't need to fuck them: Beauty doesn't have a vagina.

Why you don't need to treat them better than anybody else: Because they're too stuck up to care.

I'll spend no more time talking about them.

If you are a conceited, "pretty" bitch, you can die twice and I won't give half a wet fuck.

*You thought I would make an exception, didn't you? You sick twisted perverted ass Chris Hansen on Dateline NBC bamma.

July 22nd - less than 3 hours left, still my favorite day in over a month

Will Ferrell can wait. It's not like he's gonna stop being extremely unfunny anytime soon. I'll tear him a new one in due time. Sometimes, things pop up that need attention. Will Ferrell is like the guy who came in with a mild case of what looks like the flu, and these great things are like the dude with the gunshot wounds. Flu Man can wait.

First off day after working three straight 8 hour days without being able to take a seat (other than breaks and lunch), which is normal, but it feels good anyway, so all you haters, fuck off. Anyway, that makes today a good day, but two music developments have made this a GREAT day for me. Let us discuss.




DJ Khaled's new song (AKA him screaming on a track and having other people do all the work) is entitled "Out Here Grindin.'" It features any combination of DJ Khaled, Akon, Rick Ross, Young Jeezy, Plies, Rick Ross, Lil Boosie, Ace Hood, and Lil Wayne. (The video above has no Jeezy and no Weezy.) The song was nothing to write home about, just another epic song, but this video was built up to be something amazing. And it is, as you'll see. It looks like MI:3, Bad Boyz II, and Speed Racer, and Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift had a wild opium-fueled orgy and for some reason, one of their condoms got a hole pricked into it and it led to a bastard child that is, the "Out Here Grindin'" music video. I love it. I wish Young Jeezy or Lil Wayne were in it. Other than that, I love it.

There's not much more for me to say. DJ Smallz's "Best Thing Smokin'" mixtape series has hit the sweet sixteen, and after looking at the tracklisting, I'm not sure I'll like it all that much. I'm still extremely excited. Southern hip-hop makes my day, everyday. Skrawberry Toaster Strudels are calling me.

Maybe I'll just never do the Will Ferrell thing.

SUBSCRIBE!!!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/15459898595452fd/

Shoutout to T-Velvet (gay ass name for a producer) for that beat that might be good were it not 40 seconds long. Anyway, if you like the blog, or if you like me, or if you hate me and can't wait to see what bullshit I'll say next, subscribe. Comment too. Put me on your list of favorite blogs, or friends' blogs, then tell me and I'll stick you right up here on this one.

That burger was the shit dot net by the way.

June 10th, 2008 - Day-Long Boner

TUESDAY, JUNE TENTH, TWO THOUSAND EIGHT - revisited

Lil Wayne - "Tha Carter III"

Possibly the biggest album of the year. Definitely the biggest album (most hyped, most awaited, all that shit) of the week. But somehow, it was only my third favorite album of the week. It fell behind Plies' "Definition of Real" and Keak Da Sneak's "Deified." I decided to listen to this one in my car, because I felt like this was meant to be listened to while doing something enjoyable, and I love driving more than a lot of things. No track-by-track listing here, I can just say that a few songs are good, none made my dick tear through my pants, and a few were unlistenable. However, that's only really an issue if you listen to selected songs. Let the CD play and you're all good, just enjoy the experience. Not terrible, not great, above mediocre. Any other week, this would be the best album of the week. On Tuesday, June 10th, 2008, that's only good enough for the bronze medal.





Plies - "Definition of Real"

"Went to sleep real, woke up realer / Goon affiliated, ex-drug dealer." Plies. Plies, Plies, Plies, Plies, Plies, what am I going to do with you? Plies, I love you (no homo). I would tickle your perineum until you jizzed, and I'd yank your hog until you let go all over my face (no homo). That may be a bit much, but I do enjoy his work. He's so real. He can talk about hiding in your bushes, then talk about making you squirt like Cytheria on the very next track. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty real man (say it again, y'all). The CD has no terrible songs. Some are sub-par (which I think means below average, even though sub-par means under par, which is great...whatever), some are aight, and some ("Who Hotter Than Me", "Dat Bitch", "SHIT BAG"!!!!) are 10s out of 10 in my book. This CD is pretty solid in my eyes, and is quite similar to "The Real Testament" in that both CDs are terrific. DoR, however, was not nearly as terrific as...



Keak Da Sneak - Deified


Damn. This may be the first CD that had no songs that I hated. Some I didn't like all that much, but they were few and far between. Quarterbackin is in my top 25 songs of all time, and I'll need to remember that when the Neighborhood Bully gets big enough to have a countdown on BET's weekend programming of my top 25 of all time.


Some bitch just drove by playing "Crank That (Soulja Boy)." Today. July 22nd, 2008. Nearly a year after the song reached its peak. Over a year since the song was released. I hate S-Beezy. SOOOOOOO MUCH.


Anyway, back to Keak, the King of the Super Dooper Hyphy hyphy hyphy hyphy hyphy(and your wifey, she don't like me like me like me like me like me). He's the man. I don't know what the fuck else to say, other than this CD is in my top 10 all-time, maybe top 5. The songs haven't gotten old, and I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Will Ferrell's bitchassness will be addressed in the next post, don't you worry.

Old School / Conscious Hip-Hop

Betterdayz502 wrote:
(last month)
Do you listen to anything that isn't Gangsta Rap? It wouldn't hurt to listen to something that is actually smart.

solidbrotha187 (that's me) wrote:
(last month)
if i wanted to hear something smart, i'd buy a book on tape

That pretty much sums up how I feel about people who want to push their agenda of ending the evolution of hip-hop.

My main arguments:

1) Everything changes, you numbnutted donkeycocksucking necrophiliac. You think hip-hop shouldn't have changed, maybe I wish we just stopped doing everything in the way of aeronautics (right word?) as soon as the Wright Brothers made that thing fly for a few seconds. I could get to McDonald's pretty fast in that glorified hangglider. Maybe playing Number Munchers on the Apple IIc is ok for us. Fuck creating game systems and then developing better ones. Fuck creating the internet and laptops and cellphones with Wi-Fi. Fuck it, let's use magic to heal us. It's really too bad that the medicine game is changing like it is. Penicillin is where we should have stopped. Now everything is getting to be too much. Who needs an understanding of the human genome? Knowing about germs is terrible. I like looking at my meat and saying, "Damn, I sure as shit hope there's not a jungle of bacteria on that T-bone," instead of KNOWING THAT COOKING IT WILL KILL THEM ALL, THANKS TO PEOPLE STUDYING AND CHANGING THE WAY WE THINK ABOUT THINGS. Changing the way we think? To one of these perineum-licking, pubic hair-sniffing, BME-Pain-Olympics-makes-me-horny MOTHERFUCKERS, changing the way we think is NOT OKAY. Unless you're changing to agree with them.

2) Nobody forced you to listen. Hey you, watch this TV show! Eat this sandwich! Wear these clothes! Play this game! And you'll enjoy all of it. Hey dick, that's not how shit works. You can change the station or press next track. Douchebag!
3) You're not all-knowing. Plain and simple - who shoved a magic wand in your asshole and made you the one who decides what's "good" and what's not? Answer: Hopefully nobody.

4) It's not like your favorite music is disappearing, nutbreath. Mr. Salty-ball fanatic, nobody's Fahrenheit 451ing all your favorite 8-tracks, tapes, vinyls, cassettes, and CDs.

5) Me listening to my favorite music isn't taking away from your listening to whatever you like, armpit-cuddler. But I really wish it did. I'd listen to Gucci Mane's mixtape without pauses if it meant you couldn't hear Gangstarr or whoever the hell is the greatest MC.

Here's the thing. I'm not saying my favorite music is the best, even though you continue to do so. I'm saying, as a matter of fact, that nobody can say that. Until somebody develops a STANDARD system of measuring quality of music, I don't wanna hear you claiming yours is the best.

This is what I hear:
-The lyrics are better.
-The beats were more complex.
-They rapped about more varied things.
-They were doing it for love of the game.

But you don't know what I like in a song.
I personally like...
-A good beat (bass, and hopefully something else inventive) - simple is cool too though, if you can make it work.
-An artist who's been around the block.
-A gimmick (being an idiot, putting in no effort, whispering, having a high-pitched voice, rapping stream-of-consciousness, etc.)
-Something I can enjoy, and danceability is a plus.

(BUZZER) NO MATCH!!! And now you're upset. You should be upset about the fact that you bathe in asscrack sweat.

I'm not saying I hate old school, and I'm not saying that new school is better. I'm saying that your opinion isn't right, and you shouldn't be trying to convert me. Next thing you know, motherfuckers (in pairs) wearing gold chains and jumpsuits will be knocking on my door and passing out Q-Tip CD's, trying to convert me to Oldschoolism. And you know what? I'll take the Q-Tip CD and enjoy it. I'll slam the door in those bitches' faces, but I'll say thanks for the CD before that. That's all.

I leave you with this. If you're talking to somebody who doesn't love old school as much as you, instead of telling them that they're a dumb fuckin' idiot, tell them you want them to give a song or a CD a listen. If your friend says no, fine. Your friend is closed-minded, which is OK. If yes, and they like it, congrats, you converted somebody without forcing shit on them. If they don't like it, it was worth a try.

And you need to realize that hip-hop is changing, evolving, whatever you wanna call it, and your upsettedness (possibly caused by a dirty diaper/wedgied panties) isn't going to change it back, and nobody's going to change because of your punkass beliefs.

Betterdayz502, though I responded in a dick manner, I'll let you continue to swear that your music is better, and I'll continue listening to "Get Like Me" and the entire Keak Da Sneak CD.

(If you'd like to see my top music on last.fm, go to http://www.last.fm/user/solidbrotha187. Apparently they changed the site up and I'll have to get used to it, but I'm sure Plies and 2 Pistols are making their way up the list.)

*If I completely fucked up grammar or something like that, get over it. Comment and I'll explain anything that doesn't make sense.

Next Post - Will Ferrell - it wil be short and sweet - believe me.

Shocking

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Two Months Later

(originally posted 13 July 2008)

I'm gonna just spill everything that I think is worth spilling on this post.

-I forgot where this page was so that's why i didn't post forever.
-I decided to not quit CVS, because now CVS is like a 6-8 hour episode of WIld'n Out/Yo Momma.
-I hate Soulja Boy a lot.
-I would do ungodly things to Plies as long as he liked it.
-Me and YouTube have a love-hate connection.
-I'm very bad at basketball, and I can hold my own in every other sport.
-I discovered the Spicy Chicken Soft Taco at Taco Bell
-I tried the Smoky Chipotle Chicken at KFC, and then my pants moved.
-On weekdays, I listen to more radio than watch TV.
-I'm 20 and I'm over MTV/VH1 reality.
-You got no right, bitch.
-Yahoo! Live is the asshole of the internet.
-I have gray hairs for days.
-I have facial hairs for seconds.
-Diet soda and me are now best friends.
-5 lbs of chicken wings for $10? Count me in - thriceover.
-My car is falling apart as we speak.
-I hate everything people like and I don't give a fuck about things that people care about. (e.g. I hate movies, gas isn't draining my pocket - fuck everyone else)*

*which is why I started 'It's All Hype,' a blog about everything that people like because they're supposed to like it.

I'm Moving My Blog to Here

...because the old one was a pain in everybody's ass. So the old posts are going up now. Can You Dig It?